i’m so sorry

The blackness spreads
sometimes
involuntarily
oh, I don’t really mean that
(oh I really mean it. I want it. I hate it.)
If I could take
a big bite out of everything!
and let the juice drip down my chin
but i know the next scene.
scorched earth and tears.

breaking waves of grace
smoothing stones of stubbornness
over and over
please don’t stop.

He thought he loved the girl.
He really did.
She sure did.
But it got lost on the way from asking her to marry him
to holding her hand 10 years in while she struggles with leukemia
and that damned mother in law.
broken bodies, broken promises, broken hearts
repeat

breaking waves of grace
smoothing stones of stubbornness
over and over
please don’t stop

death seems a million miles away until it feels like its everywhere
they left him alone accidentally
staring at white walls, tubes and wires and
something was on t.v. he forgot
beeps and the clicking of shoes rushing to and fro
blood and urine and the man dressed in black
i’m sorry. I don’t even know what for

breaking waves of grace
smoothing stones of stubbornness
over and over
please don’t stop

Jesus
holding
steadfast
hold on
im falling hard
and your hands are bleeding
and i’m so sorry

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